Not an introduction yet

You're probably coming here from Twitter or my other blog, Southern Fried Pugs, both venues where I communicate as my dogs. Both fairly lighthearted and cheery. This blog, maybe not so much.

Last year, as I turned 39, I started thinking about how I wanted 40 to be. I wanted to do 40 good deeds over the year. All sizes of good deeds, but more on the medium to large scale. See, I wanted to avoid the fear of 40 thing that seems to afflict women. It's middle age. It's definitely on the old lady side versus the spring chicken side. I *thought* this blog and my good deeds would inspire other people who were getting ready for 40. It was originally called Forty Acts of Kindness.

Then I got sick. Physically sick at first, then depressed. Not sadness, but real depression. I realize it's hard for some people to understand, certain family members especially. I am asked, "what do you have to be depressed about?" That's just it. I really don't have anything to be depressed about. Big picture, I have a pretty good life. But that's depression. No one asks "why did you get cancer?" Depression is about chemical imbalances in your brain, not being sad over something. There is situational depression, when you are overwhelmingly sad for a reason like losing your job or a loved one. This isn't that.

I am seeing a doctor and have medication. Some days it seems to be working, somedays not. But the blog isn't about that so much. The point of this is that my intent was to be inspiring. Now, it's to help me struggle through this part of my life. It's not even about anyone else reading this so much, unless you want to. I need to document this, work through all this by writing it out.

There's a great blogger out there who recently posted about feeling like a failure most of the time. She's a published author and by many standards, she is successful, yet she struggles to meet her own high standards. She posted a cry for help and has 3000+ comments. I didn't read them all, but the ones I read were other people admitting that they felt like a failure too. It made me realize what this blog should be about. It's going to be about me coming to terms that I fail, sometimes a lot. It's going to be about what I have learned over 40 years. It's going to be about me overcoming 40.