The battle we are still fighting

I watched the Billie Jean King episode of American Masters on PBS tonight. I didn't realize, but the infamous Battle of the Sexes between Billie Jean King and Bobby Riggs took place on September 20, 1973, two days before I was born. If you are too young to know who these people are, google them. Better yet, watch the film.

Watching clips from the late sixties and early seventies, I am so grateful that I am an adult now. We are still fighting the battle of the sexes though, 40 years later.

It's still baffling to me that we as women have not really become equal. We are 51% of the population and drive 80% of consumer decisions. We are outpacing men in higher education by double digits. We have so much power at our fingertips, but we don't take it. Instead of making advertisers and businesses treat us with dignity and respect, we let them get away with terrible things. We let magazines and television and movies and celebrities create impossible images and unreachable standards (high or low) for us, for the girls who are growing up now. We let smarmy clothing companies like Abercrombie and Fitch and Victoria's Secret peddle sexy clothes to 10 year olds. Worse yet, we dress our kids in them. Eight year olds wearing dresses with cut outs in the back. Why?

From what I have read and what I have learned, the feminist movement, at least originally, was about equal treatment for women. Women should be afforded the same rights and treatment as men. That means the same pay for the same work. The same opportunities in education. If we meet the same standards, then we should be treated the same. Amazing, in 2013, we still aren't there. Women are still making $.77 on the dollar to men. Unbelievable when we are more and better educated as a whole than men. Read the Pew studies here and here. What the heck is going on?

At the same time, I notice that women are at least partly to blame for this. We snipe at one another. We compete with each other unfairly. Some of this is anecdotal, but I'm positive that I could find some research to explore this too. We don't compete head to head. We backstab and gossip and snark at each other. We are holding ourselves back.

Part of this is the Facebook thing that I discussed before. We are insecure about our own lives that we lash out at someone who seems to have it together. That mom who always looks presentable at school drop off, who attends PTA meetings and remembers your name although you can't remember hers? She must be a b-word, right? Stuck up Martha Stewart clone. She's probably on meth to keep her going. Why? Why can't we celebrate someone's craftiness and creativity on Pinterest? Why can't we be happy for that woman who keeps her house clean with three kids? Why can't we admire her and ask her for her secret? Instead, we shoot her down with very gender specific slurs. The b-word, the c-word even.

Why do women do this to each other? I admit, I don't have a lot of experience with men. I'm single. Although I do work with men, these aren't conversations they are willing to have. Most of the men I work with (or have worked with) are significantly older than me. I never hear jealousy or insecurity from them. Naturally, in a work setting, this isn't really appropriate. But that hasn't stopped some women. Anyway, my point is that I don't believe most men express their insecurities or jealousy through tearing another man down. There is the smack talk over a contest of some kind (sports or otherwise), but once it is over, there are no hard feelings between the men. Women don't do this. If you call me a name, whether smack talk or not, I will remember it. And I will remember how my feelings were hurt by that name. And I won't let it go. Why?

Men are better about this than we are. That doesn't mean that we can't learn. I'm not just not sure how or if we are willing to do it.

I do think that men and women have different strengths and weaknesses. Just as all humans do. Some people can sing like a bird. Some squawk like a chicken. Some can run like the wind, others can barely walk upright. We are all different, but we all deserve the opportunity to prove we can be an astronaut or a firefighter or a ballerina. Feminism is about the chance to be seen as human and not as a gender.

This is a discussion that's been going on since the late 60's and apparently still needs to continue. The vision that Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan had for us has not come to pass. Does feminism now mean that we have the equal opportunity to be soccer mom or mathematician but not both? Did the equal rights movement give us the right to dress as provocatively as we want or as conservatively as we want? That's going to be another blog post, I think.

As a feminist in 2013, I'm not asking for special treatment because I'm a woman. I'm asking that you don't let my gender get in the way of my potential.